Dear God,
Sometimes it feels like you have forgotten me. I’m currently back at my old job, unsure about the future, debating over going back to school, living at home and single. I feel silly writing this because I know you haven’t forgotten me, however my feelings speak otherwise.
I can’t blame my feelings. After all it was me who told them by this age I would be rich and successful. Maybe it is my dreams I should blame because they have proved deceptive so far. Like a dehydrated man walking toward a mirage on the horizon in a sun parched desert. When he gets there he finds nothing, just as I have found my dreams deceptive. But this is child’s talk. I can’t blame my dreams. Dreams are a good thing whether they are reached or not.
It must have been my immaturity that caused my feelings to speak to me in this way. When I look at my current state, I see much growth. I am learning patience, serving with the children’s ministry at my church, spending time reading my bible, being a light to people who don’t know you. Even though my dreams have not been reached, what I am doing now proves you have not forgotten me.
I know what I must do regarding these feelings of being forgotten. I must not run from them like a scared little boy. Nor can I continue to feed them immature thoughts or they will grow. I must stand firm with the bible as my guide and speak to my feelings. I must say “although the dreams you were told have not come about, the reality of my current circumstance is far greater than if I had reached my dreams.” “The time in life now is the foundation being laid for the dreams to be built upon.” “What dream as lofty as the ones you were told can be reached by, or stay with a man who lacks a solid foundation?”
Feelings are a stubborn thing. They can be corrected one moment and the very next moment forget what you taught them. They must be coerced over time, and eventually they will submit. Feelings of doubt, shame, etc can all be reigned in.
They are also volatile. Some people allow feelings to control their thoughts and emotions. While others subject their feelings to thought and logic. Either extreme can wield a miserable life.
These feelings we have are wild. Shielding negative feelings from a person can be unnerving. On the other hand, expressing my feelings to a person I love brings indescribable joy. When I speak with you my love, my feelings often overpower me. I don’t look manly at all; instead my feelings make me look like a little boy balling his eyes out.
The trick in life (which I need your help with) is to balance feelings. I can’t allow my feelings to grow out of control, or wither away. Instead I must keep them in proportion with my mind. This doesn’t always work. When I look at my back in the mirror, I see long discolored horizontal running marks on my skin. They create the appearance I was whipped. These marks are a result of my fast growth in high school. My bones grew faster than my skin causing stretch marks. Currently my mind has grown faster than my feelings.
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